As a plus-size woman, I’ve gone through a real journey to discover and claim my own beauty, which I think is okay, since even Oprah Winfrey seems to struggle with that same issue — and hey, she’s OPRAH for heaven’s sake. But when I look back, it was really a situation that began, and ended, with me. First of all, other people always thought I was pretty (and I don’t just mean my mom!). And except for the once-in-a-blue-moon comment about my weight, I was often complimented on my beautiful face, great complexion, and fun and friendly disposition. In the end, I had to admit that it was something inside of me that held back and refused to see the incredible woman I was – inside AND out.
In a nutshell, the problem was that I was eternally “on hold” — deep inside, I always thought that I would only “really” be attractive to other people after I lost weight. And following along that line of thinking, I simply put a lot of my life on hold. Every year, I thought that when I lost weight, I could finally go swimming or take a great tropical vacation (and so most years, I didn’t even buy a swimsuit). I thought that when I lost weight I would wear shorts and have a variety of tank tops (and so I suffered through endless hazy summer days in black leggings or long skirts and hid myself beneath button down tops, or maybe I’d risk a short-sleeve tee). And I ALWAYS thought that when I lost weight, I would buy new clothes. (So I rarely enjoyed a beautiful new dress and didn’t even daydream of a closet full of great choices.)
Thankfully, over time, that has all changed. Part of it has been a much improved level of self-confidence and self-acceptance. Like may women, I AM always working on my weight — I try to make healthy choices and eat right, and I walk every single day — and I remind myself that I have gained very little over my adult life — my set point is simply a gorgeous size 18. I also remind myself that feeling beautiful is a struggle that many women face, regardless of their size. So over time, I grew some gratitude to go along with my knowledge that I was a beautiful woman.
With that newfound self-confidence in place, it made room for the other part of my self-discovery – fueled by the full figured fashion world. Plus-size women have definitely had a terrific revolution in the clothing industry over the last decade. Gone are your mother’s muumuus and style-deprived, depressing wardrobes of black and more black.
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